And a miracle happened...... 

Finally...

after a weeks of anxious waiting....then he came....precious life.....

Non delivery

Still no foal!!!!!
That Palomino is walking around grazing as if she had no other worries in this world!
On Sunday I had a nice surprise visit by one of my Professors from Uni, she had come all the way from New Zealand to attend a conference in Copenhagen. Plans were that I was to meet up with her in the city of mermaids but when she got clear to herself just how easy and cheap it is to go over to Sweden, and above all, CLOSE it is she came over on the next train and we went for a long drive around all the tourist spots!! I was soo happy to see her!! It was almost surreal to see her standing there at the trainstation. After a coffee in Medieval ystad we went for the stonesetting, less known than stonehenge but more accessible and a lot older it does attract visitors from all over the world and every time I come there I am equally fascinated. It is a giant sundial made up of huge stones set on top of a huge cliff off the south coast. Awesome..
Today is my last day at work...sad...but I have gotten so used to temping and living hand to mouth that I cant bother to worry any more. It is just life.
It is raining...

Sleepwalking

I have spent the past three nights sleeping in the stable. Thats right. On a pile of fresh straw, with one horseblanket underneath and two on top. Not kidding. That quarter mare has us all fooled!!! Monday night she was a wee bit worried. Tuesday night she was lying down panting in periods, in between this she simply stood up and ate away at her hay, last night she was mostly laying down breathing very heavy and groaning now and then. I cant blame her, having a 50-60 kilo foal turning inside her must be pretty painful. I am totally certain that the foal is turned and facing the right way. This is good news. I just wish she would make her mind up and drop it!!! When I went home at 5.30 am I was so knackered that I told Sylvia to call me only when/ if the water breaks. I really dont mind helping out at a foaling, in general the more hands on deck that are available the better, but I know that next year I am unlikely to have the favor returned. Sylvia has never seen a mare foal and I understand that she is nervous, it is just that she lacks common sense, or rather common horse sense. How a woman who has given birth herself twice can be so unimaginative regarding this the biggest miracle of them all beats me.
This is the tiring part of it.....the wait....once it all starts up you just go with the flow but it is annoying to just wait around. The only one loving it is the doglet. She thinks we are off camping. Unfortunately she is up to all kinds of shit all night long and annoys the hell out of me with her catchasing, rat digging, horse shit eating, digging in the straw and walking all over me.
I love her.

Summer...

Summer has arrived.....finally..or so we think!!! The temperatures have been up the last couple of days and for that we send a thankyou to the weathergods , or leprechauns or whoever it is that fills in the order every morning. Its not me, of that I am certain, if it was then every day would be sunny with a blue sky and a mild shower every dawn to freshen up!
I went to see horsy last night...she is not yet in the summer field but there are plenty of grass in the field where she is at and she is happy.....she walked up to me and put her head on my shoulder the way a horse do when they say " hello, I know you and where have you been , now gimme that carrot". I leaned on her neck and breathed that warm sweet smell of horse while she stood still and nuzzled my arm. Her short shiny black coat had patches of dried sand, giving away that she has had a good ol roll somewhere. - you are having a good time right now dont you? I said and she turned her head looking at me, ears pricked. I swear...horses know only too well what is going on at times.....hopefully she will come in season around June 1st, and then it is a 16 days wait before we know if the insemination have been successfull. It would be such a joy if things went well. The mare that foaled last week and lost her foal is doing well, much better than expected and for that I am grateful. It was very close to everything having gone straight to hell that night so I am happy to see her grazing , alive and well. The quarter mare is coming close to having her foal...she has filled up a tiny amount of milk but no real loosening of ligaments show so I think it might take another day or two. She is due the 26th and might very well be spot on. It is supposed to be around 22C on friday so if not before...then she will get started.
I'll take pics and keep you posted :)

Brrrrrrrrr...

huhh its cold here!!!! I am sitting at work, with my jacket on. That jacket is not likely to come off in the next few weeks..it seems like a permafrost have arrived with a new ventilation system in my office!! A good thing with an office of my own is that I can hide and blog....lol!!!
Not only chilly in my office but also outdoors. May has been the coldest spring since 1938 , and I have noticed it very clearly!!!
Dog vas very disobedient yesterday....she is lil shit as a direct result of my inability to foster a dog, of course, however yesterday she really trumfed. Sneaking behind me when I went out to the grazing paddock when I was to shift a couple of mares to a new field she suddenly started to bark and chase the startled mares who set off in a canter- pursued by a barking whippet. There was no way I got through to her. It is a matter of time before she gets a hoof in her head and get her skull cracked open if she shows off this behaviour so I was extremely angry at her. She knows. Of course. This was just the final straw and from now on she will have to sit on a leash oogling the other dogs running loose (behaving themselves).
Friday....day is slow and boring.......but I have med a a deal with the lady next door to take clara for a walkie sometime this afternoon so I can go visit grandma after work. She is still in hospital after having fallen on her patio breaking her tibia, her arm and three or four ribs, although I blamed her for throwing those in just for good measurement. She is 83, a very active lady still and six weeks in a hospital bed is not her melody of fun. She misses clara since doglet has been known to camp in grandmas knee during a whole day while her mummy are at work. Plans to smuggle in whiplet has been thrown out after nurses declared that she would pop her head up under the cover as soon as the lunch trolley arrived and then be thrown out with no mercy. Typical clara said.
Grandpa has tried to jump out of the balcony from the 13th floor. Again. I have no further comments to that actually. Malin claims a parachute attached to him might do it. He would be an acclaimed BASE jumper in no time the way he is getting on.
Ah well, i think I will scoot. No, wait, something funny, I have applied for my old job at Gallaher. Now, thats funny!!

Fate

"Life is what happens to youWhile you're busy making other plans" It was John Lennon who wrote that line...it is part of the lyrics to Beautiful boy. That line to me, defines genius. Because it is true....here we go along busy as hell planning for a new job, a new house, a new car or a change of life that we think we are the mastermind of. It is not true. All choices are not up to us. The biggest decisions are simply made for us not by us.

I spent two hours last night pulling out a dead foal from a dying mare. A normal birthing process in a herdanimal like a horse takes about five minutes. Tops. This is nature...because a mare is vulnerable to predators when delivering a foal so nature has made the process short. Two hours means something is very very wrong. The foal, a beautiful filly was alive when it all started and the only reason she never made it out in this world was her size. I have never seen a foal this big unless it was ten days old. It was not a foal it was a pony. The mare had no chance of giving birth on her own and not even me and Sanna pulling until we felt the taste of blood in our mouths could help. It was stuck. After a frantic call to both a Vet and to poor Marita who arrived with Ellie after five minutes we managed to get her out. I dont know why we started with the massage and blowing air into her lungs, maybe because we all felt that we could not stand doing nothing. Marita got the mare up after ten minutes by pouring water in her ears...an old Indian trick that works every time, god knows why and after the vet had given her fenadyne she seemed to start breathing normal. She will live. It is a young strong mare.
We left the foal with her...as strange as it might seem to someone not familiar with horses it is important that the can grieve....in the wild mares sometimes stands guard over a dead foal for days, nudging, biting and finally trying to kick life into it. She will walk away in the end.
I said to Sanna that life is just this, a series of events that just happen. This foal was not meant to be.
The next mare is due the 26th. I have faith in statistics......it is just not possible for this to happen twice is it? That mare is an American Quarter, an unusual breed in Sweden but with a significant advantage. Their foals are small. A hardy horse breed having developed often in wild or half wild herds has made for this. A small foal is easier and faster to deliver for a mare and she can get up on her feet and defend her foal quicker. ah well....useless knowledge I guess.
And the title? ah ..yea....I believe in fate.
This was fate.

Reeboot

I think I will definitely restart this thing.....not that I have anything of sigmificant interest to convey however I definitely need to keep my english alive!!!!
My sister is expecting nr 2 this autumn and I am looking forward to a less dramatic arrival than the one that was made by nr 1. One can always hope!!! Nr 1 is alive and kicking, well, mostly sucking and chewing on everything since small folks seem to explore the world by mouth. Yesterday he also gave new light on the expression " foot in mouth" since he did just that.....put his own foot in his mouth. ack.......was a long time ago I could bit my own big toe...well, it as about 20 odd years ago!!

Clara has reached brat age...she keeps sneaking off when I dont see and last sunday it nearly ended. As in The End. She ran out in the road a few hundred yards away and the car that came along simply had no chance to avoid her. I have no idea how hard it hit her or if...because the Whippet is still alive and wagging her tail. Tail slightly crooked but she is happy as a duck so I suspect the doglet avoided fate this time. She is fast running out of luck though so I now keep her on leash at ALL times. Well, not on our morning walks but those are in the meadows well away from motorised vehicles. We usually startle the calfs grazing but so far has neither critter shown tendencies to chase one another.

The Mare, who finally got her name, Lina, is to be covered the following week and after that we can only hope.....It would be nice with a foal next spring....they are a joy to watch and it would also give me something to think about all winter.

Well, out for now. Will be back. I have to figure out how to add links to others and stuff....

birthday

Today is my birthday........Clara and I woke up at 7 am to the phone ringing...my sister called to say that there was a parcel hanging off the handle on my frontdoor...it was the first I have heard from her in several months and I was happy for it. Either she has decided to ignore her husbands instructions or she made a peace offering. Whatever, I was never upset with her, more surprised over her myopia, but that might be temporarily.
Anyway, at least I woke up today LOL!!! I am now officialy 36...old as the hill huh? as a small consolation I look like 26 he he

Hibernate mode..

There must have been a tse-tse fly loose around these parts since the last couple of weeks have looked about the same for every member in my little household. I sleep away my anxietys, all the while sinking deeper into depression and permanent procrastination.
Clara has no choice but to curl up next to me and the cats think it is winter again and have settled in their breadbaskets on the top shelf in the bookcase. I keep putting kibbles up there in case they forget where the food is.
I sleep away my days since nightmares keeps me awake at night and sleeping is the greatest escape of them all. When no other option is available closing ones eyes and lay still works. Works great for trying to stop thinking of the bills I could not pay this month or the fact that I cant pay my rent in ten days and that I have no income or any means whatsoever to solve my situation this summer. I bought dogfood and kibbles for the darlings to last a couple of weeks because I cant stand the thought of being withouth feed to my pets. I skipped the bills for the car tax and are now driving around illegaly but keep thinking there are advantages with being thrown in the slammer if I get busted. Meals are free. ( I hope!)Wonder if one can bring the dog?
I am so tired of everything...most of all of being alone. I told mum last night that I was really in trouble and that I was ill and her reply was 'oh, I must go to bed now'. I dont think she would react any more had I showed up dead. I really wish I could just fall asleep and not wake up right now. There are times in my life when that has felt like a very good solution and I think that it had actually been a relief.
I am not sure of what to do..my brain is not functioning and I dont have anyone that can help me out. I have sold off pretty much what I can sell in the last six months to try and keep my head above water but I am deep in a sinkhole and curling up down here and just dissapear seems the easiest thing to do.

Badlands...

They have started again....the nightmares...and they are unrelenting this time..they wont leave me alone or give way to more pleasant dreams such as a cave full of bats where I could curl up and sleep safe and comfortable in a heap of batguano...

Usually it starts where I am walking on the path next to Noosa River...its well past midnight and warm...sooo warm...my thin summerdress is clinging to my body and I have taken off my sandals to walk on the cooler pavement with my bare feet thinking I will go down the riverbank up at the bend and dip my toes in the water to cool off. I can hear the sounds of a street still awake in the back ground, the noise of people sitting on a porch talking and music drifting softly through the night and someone walking in front of me occasionally kicking an empty can and mumbling on his way home from a bar somewhere ..perhaps the Yacht Club or the Cafe just down by the Thai place....and it feels safe walking slowly on the other side....past the row of condos and old wooden villas in the typical Australian mish mash that make up a typical Queensland holiday spot. I can see the southern cross in a crystal clear sky if I bend my head towards the sky and feel the scent of orange blossoms and jasmine and the Cikadas are playing a symphony in my ears ...ohh how I love the Cikadas.......and that scent of orange blossom......I walk slowly....tired and hot ...my mind is elsewhere....planning ahead for the trip back to Brisbane tomorrow and the wedding after that..I still dont have a dress formal enough for a huge wedding and want to make an early start in order to raid the shopping district in downtown Brisbane and I gues sthats where my mind is...trying on a green dress when he comes up behind me....I never really hear him enough to be aware...or maybe I think it is the can kicker or a man out walking his dog.....it is not until I sense him that I turn around and he just stands there. Still. In the shadows of a cottonpalm. Alarm bells go off in my head when I recognise him and I take a step backwards to get away from the smell of his body. Suddenly the street on the other side of the walkway is all quiet and dark..no Cikadas....the river is still...so still....so is he...he has black eyes and black hair....a small narrow face and a skinny wiry body...brown shirt and a pair of blue shorts and black sneakers...he is my height and somewhere in my mind I am calculating my chances and I decide to acknowledge his hello with a smile and a slight nod with my head. He says he will walk me back to the hostel since it is not safe for me walking alone. He says he saw me at the Thai place and asks if the food was good and where did the German girls go? I answer that they will come any minute and he smiles wryly. He moves like a fox...slightly hunched and with a nervous twist...eyes scanning the surroundings....I am thinking if I can get my sandals back on I can run faster and bend down to put them on all while answering his questions in a cheerful manner...like the bird who dances in front of the viper in order to distract him enough to escape and we keep walking towards the bend of the river...only 200 yards and I will be safe in the hostel..just as we approach the bend he strikes me the first time. A full blow in the head. It feels as if my skull is cracked open. There is no way he can hit me this hard with his fist only.....no way...I open my mouth to scream and stumble forward falling on to my knee...I drop my bag and sunglasses on the grass...my sunglasses which have been used to keep my long hair out of my eyes...my handbag with my mobilephone..my scream is soundless...an open gasping mouth while my eyes are blind by tears and my brain fills with fear. I scream and scream but not a sound comes across my lips and something is put into my open mouth and I gag feeling the bile rise in my throat and try desperately to draw air into my burning lungs through my nose...I cant...something is blocking my nose and I can feel the knife in my ribs while I am being dragged down the bank..he is holding my head down by pulling my hair and every attempt to rise are met with a blow to my skull and my stomach..I close my eyes and give up...it hurts so much...god it hurts...I can feel him inside me ..can feel him hurting me and smell his anger..and it hurts so much....god it hurts......and I try to kick away but my legs are tied to something why are my legs tied?..my arms...I cant get my arms in front of me something is holding my hands together behind my back and the pain.......and the smell......oh god the smell.......I begin to vomit and I feel myself peeing ..unable to control my bladder ..fear has taken over my body and frozen the will to move....I remember thinking this is how a deer caught in headlights behave.....they stop and waith for death to hit suddenly and unexpected..and why cant he dont stop? he keeps on and on....and then all of a sudden he sits next to my head smoking a cigarette. He stubs it out on my feet, lights it again and puts the cigarette in my mouth forcing me to inhale ...he wants to see my chest heave...he is hurting my breasts each time I draw for breath...placing both his hands on my breasts and heaving himslef up on me and leans with his full bodyweight on my chest. It hurts so much...tears are running down my face and I cry silently....he keeps stubbing his cigarrette on my body...he places the tip of the knife between my legs and I feel cold steel inside me. I cant breathe. I just wait. Still...so still...he twists the knife and I feel a sharp pain and something warm trickling down inside my thigh. He suddenly places the knife tip down in the grass and lean over me..he is talking quietly..he has been talking the whole time...but I will hear none of it...dont understand any of it..it hurts...he fumbles with his cigarette pack and thats when I feel the rope around my ankles slip..and my legs are free...all of a sudden my muscles are working and I roll over and somehow find myself on my legs running..then it is suddenly there...those kind of low fences that often surrounds a parkinglot.and I stumble...nearly falling...but keep on moving..and I run....and I run.....like that deer when you turn off your lights after you have caught her...god I run...along the riverwalk and I hear him curse and shout...and then I sense he has fallen...fallen over that low fence at the parkinglot...and I run...and sob...and I have to stop and vomit..and then it is all dark...

The dog doom...

Oh yea...I have been waiting for it.........and sure enough...it happened.....out of a superdysfunctional family where various members owns hunting labradors ( they look good with guns and green suede pants)I went and got myself a whippet. Dont get me wrong, out of the fishing, hunting and riding set I more than happily pick fishing and horses but I cant shoot to save myself and hoever much I love the labs I wont have one in my abode, after all, they are labradors and do labradors things, mine would choke to death on a sock before we could say 'go fetch!' and what I wanted was something warm and soft in my bed ( for lack of something else)someone to make me smile and lay around in the couch with the cats....a dog that could go with me to the stable, run loose in the woods on long walks but be handy enough to drop off at my mums if I need to. Add sheer beauty and power and you have a Whippet. Now to the long awaited lecture receieved.......some of the dog people in the vicinity are "dog authorities", everyone with no exception owns a lab, here is included an instructor in the local kennelclub, hunters and farmers and they all have their view of how to keep and treat a dog very clear to themselves. This view varies slightly from mine...or rather I reckon theirs are from planet reebook since keeping a dog in an outdoor kennel in this climate, a dirty one at that, only let the dog sit in the hallway except when the master drinks his coffee and the dog may crawl inside and lay next to the table is definitely not how I want to keep dog. Clara farts around everywhere, definitely got selective hearing and GOD in heaven has been seen begging at the table and even worse, pee indoors. So of course it suddenly exploded and hailed in.....should I not take a dressage course ( over my dead body), ought I not take the dog to the worshipped dogmaster himself and sort out the problem ( then if not before I'd end up with a dog pissing all over the place) and since she does not instantly obey every given order she was clearly a problem dog and I need pay attention and listen to their advice. The instructor who up until now has been positive towards training together with me abrubtly declared she 'knew nothing about whippets' and therefore no longer was available ( probably afraid of being told off by the others) and on it went......even my mum who know crap about dogs had suggestions.
The thing is...mentioned whippet has a bit of glue in her ears at the moment...however thats it....she has never chewed up furniture ( chopsticks definitely dont count as furnishings) nor been aggressive towards another dog or a human, she happily comes running 99 out of a 100 times I call her when loose and the accidebts on the floor happens infrequently and never at home these days and very rarely at others for that matter. She can be home for a couple of hours and as far as I know she just curls up with Smilla the mackerel and fall asleep. In my eyes she is an angel and sure enough she is spoilt rotten and I will keep her that way.
I am surprised at how far up the heads are up their ass, and how the hell dare they ask why I should get a dog, how will I afford it? Do you really know what you are doing?
I would never ever even question anyones decision to get a pet or someones ability to look after it unless it was obvious it could be a bit of a problem as in keeping an Ostrich in the dogkennel or a horse on the patio.
As I usually say.........this happens when people have a reference area the size of a can o beans. But then that seems to be the standard these days..*sigh*

That dog!!!

She ate my chopsticks!!!

Long time no update but here comes.........

First : Axel is doing as well as can be expected.....he is in a stable condition and have been putting on about 100 grammes in weight:) Thats a whole lot for such a small chap!
Claras toe has healed up and she no longer limps around looking like a wet rag. She has taken to jump over the fence that I have surrounding my patio and simply sneak off into the shrubs surrounding the houses here....I am about to give up and build a much taller fence to keep the lil rat inside...
Today is Midsummers eve and by tradition all Swedes eat marinated herring, with fresh potatoes and sour cream....to top it off we also finish off a huge amount of fresh strawberries after that. Tradition has that it is necessary to sit outdoors even if it is freezing and swarms or swarms of midges eat you alive.....after the strawberries everyone gets totally blitzed and dance around a maypole imitating frogs while singing christmas songs. Nahh....just kidding. No christmas songs.
The mare withnoname is out grazing at a friends place miles away...the not so clever lads decided to let out 4 1 year old stallions at their place and I wont risk it....as much as I want a foal by her I am not too keen on anyone on them jumping the fence and having a go at it!! Regarding names....my old hors was named Carpe Diem and her nickname was Little M, I always liked that and was thinking of calling this one Pretty M,(or as Mimmi suggested: 'Fat M').
The past weeks have been busy with me looking for work and painting stables....ick....my whole body aches after having painted the inside of 25 horse stables as well as the walls outside....next week there is the windows.......bah!! I dont see an end to this!!!
Remind me to only have two stables if I ever win the lotto and buy my own place *grins*.
Well, I think I will join stinky and take a nap.

Axel 1 day 

Axel.....

I have seen him....this small miracle...he is so tiny..a beautiful baby boy. I sat next to the incubator and just ooogled him very closely. It was the second time in the same hospital...my brothers youngest is also born in week 24...
Sissy was doing better than expected and for that I am grateful. I brought some odd bits and ends like unscented facecream and handcream, magazines and two books. She will have to stay at the hospital all summer to be near Axel and I will try to make the trip as often as I can.
And jamie.....thank you for your prayers...they mean a lot to me since I know how much faith and trust you place in God.

Axel

At 08.30 this morning my sister gave birth to a baby boy named Axel. He was expected to greet the world at September 11 so at May 28 he came to us very early. Axel was in a great hurry and although his auntie told her sister to cross her legs goddammit he wanted out and that asap.
Axel wheighs 720 grammes ( 1.558 lbs)and are currently breathing on his own. He screamed when he came out and was "big" for a child born at week 24 so all we know at the moment is that he had a "good" start. My sister was already at the neo natal care unit at the hospital in Lund (probably one of Europes best if not the worlds) since tuesday night so everyone is in good hands. It will be one day at a time for us all this summer but I pray we have Axel home by September.

The names of horses

My mare has seriously not lifted her head once since yesterday. She ignores Bruno who faithfully walks beside her to seek contact. Poor Bruno got very upset last night when he was ledt outside while his three friends headed back inside for the night. A lot of whinnying back and forward was heard through the night. The mare has no name......well...her real name is Ulinia however in my native tongue it does not suit to call a horse by that name. In two months time no one has been able to come up with a decent name for her and she is called by various expressions such as "the fat lady" ( Mimmi&Co) or "the old girl" ( Michael) or me who just calls her The Mare as if she was horse unknown. One would think that after two months I could come up with a name...she is a beautiful dark bay, almost black in color with a beautiful head and huge friendly eyes and the sweetest disposition so I think she deserves more.
Anyone know of a good horse name?

Green grass of home

Me and Mimmi loaded up the surprised mare in the horsebox this morning. After much dilly dallying we finally let her out grazing on the lads place. Peters chestnut gelding got a surprise holiday as her company for starters and hopefully we will be able to borrow a filly to keep her company over the summer. The yard is getting full of stallions and geldings and I must confess to being a tad worried regarding me being able to stable her there over the winter. How much fun is 5 stallions , 4 geldings and one lonely mare?
ack....worries....
The little shoepisser sleeps in my bed hugging one of my Asics...must be a phase she is going through...the dog is obsessed by shoes......
Thats about it...I am unbeliavably blue today and feel like I am just sinking....the only thing that lifted me was that I heard from a friend I had not heard from in a while and that felt good.

a shoefull....

This morning I found a small dried up dogturd in my hallway...life with pups is like that and I just picked it up and threw it in the toilet while think "was she not a good girl who did not pee on the floor!!!!! ". There I went on about my morning...making a latte...having some yoghurt and cereal..feeding the cute little puppy and patting my cats before putting my clothes on and then looked down at my shoes. The left shoe was kind of full. Clara had pissed in my shoe.
Good dog who had not pissed on the floor ;)